Archive for July, 2011

Where Is My Daddy and Why Doesn’t He Love Me?

An excerpt from a short story by Chandra West

It has taken me many years, tears, talks, and prayers to be able to speak freely about growing up without my father and some of the damage it did. When I was 13 years old my life changed forever. It was then that I found out the man I knew to be my daddy was not. I did not meet my biological father until I was 19 years old—six years later.

Unwed mothers or baby mamas as they are now called tend to hate my truth but the truth is you have got to stop being selfish. Once you found out you were pregnant and decided to keep that child, your life was no longer your own and that child’s needs must come first. I know it sucks but remember, children don’t ask to be born. And for the biological fathers, or sperm donors, it is so hard for me to hate you because although I am an adult now, I once was that child needing and wanting my father’s love. I can’t hate someone I was not allowed to know or never got the chance to know. I do think that although most of the burden falls on the baby mama, that as a man you are responsible as well. When you had unprotected sex regardless of whether you were already married and cheating on your wife, or how trifling the baby mama may be, you chose to have sex knowing what the consequences might be. So, yes, you are wrong! Children, whether male or female, need their fathers, too. You can teach the child things the baby mama cannot. As fathers you formulate future relationships that your daughter has with men. Remember you are the first men we love. Okay enough of that.

To the men who stepped in and took the role the sperm donor was too weak to take, thank you. I think raising a child that is not yours must be one of the most selfless acts, and God will bless you. It may seem like I’m not giving you the credit you deserve. I am sorry for that! But try to understand, that if you are a stepfather you are not the child’s father. And no matter how much you love the mother and her child, the child has a father and at least deserves to know that he exists even if he unfortunately has chosen not to be a part of their life.

To all the children and adults who went through a situation similar to mine. I want you to know that it was not or is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I believe in my heart once we come to terms with us being born innocent in all this, we can begin to learn to love ourselves, accept who we are and at the same time know that the ugliness doesn’t have to hold us back from being more and achieving more.

“Each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully” (Ephesians 4:25).